Story By Leanna Harrow
I was married at seventeen and had my first child two days before I turned nineteen. I had four children by the time I was twenty seven. Over the years, I raised those children, most of the time, by myself as men came and went like cheap shoes.
I suffered through so much in my life, from the age of five when my grandfather molested me, to when I was fifteen, beaten and raped to when my daughter was raped by two men also at fifteen. There were times I thought I’d just lay down and die because I couldn’t take any more.
I didn’t lay down and die. I fought. Everyday. I fought for my kids, I fought for justice, I fought for my sanity and I fought because it was the right thing to do. Fighting got me thought a lot of difficult situations in life. It became a way of life, in everything I did.
I’m looking forty seven in the face. At forty, I began to lose the grip in my hands, they would ache, tingle and feel like they had pins in them. I had every test known to mankind done and was told I was fine. I was beginning to think I was crazy until it started in my back, hip, neck left knee and feet.
It only took them four years to figure it out. I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis and Idiopathic Periphreial Neuropathy. I never asked why, I knew better. If I dared, I’d be given something worse to deal with. It had been that way all my life.
I stopped fighting. I stopped fighting the pain. I stopped fighting the feelings of depression. I stopped fighting the isolation. I stopped fighting the doctors, I stopped fighting myself. I gave up so to speak.
There was nothing I could do, as it was something that I’d have the rest of my life and it was only going to get worse so I started forgiving. I forgave God, I forgave my body, I forgave my mind. Once I started to forgive, I couldn’t stop. I forgave everyone who had ever hurt me. Then finally, I then forgave myself.
The inner peace that comes with forgiveness is indescribable. I cannot put into words how much brighter the sky is, how much more fragrant the flowers are, how much easier it is not to put myself in situations to have to forgive.
There are millions of people out there who have it a lot worse than I do, everyday. I feel for them. I know what I’ve been through therefore, I have empathy for them. What I wish for is world inner peace…then maybe we could have world peace.
I know that I can honestly say I have no regrets in this life. If I had not walked every step of my path, I would not be where I am today and I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I am more than perfectly happy where I am. If it all came crashing down tomorrow, I’d still be happy because I know forgiveness.
Try it, you might like it. I never said it was easy, in fact, it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. What I’m saying is that you’ll wish you’d done it years ago and a year later, all the bad things will be such a distant memory, they won’t be able to find their way to the front of your mind anymore. Forgiveness really is the key that opens the door to inner peace.
I just gave you the key…open the door and come on in! It’s awesome here!
Published By Cyril P Abraham