“Action expresses priorities. – Gandhi”
I believe it is only human to express such passion or love towards something and then do nothing. I am no expert or guru or anything like that but at least I have eyes, I have a mind and a soul. I am no different from you or from the one next to you. It takes one to know one.
So I would be lying if I tell you that I have never ran away from something, trying to escape from a place that once made me happy. Keeping inside so many feelings and then regretting not saying anything the day after. The thing is, was it ever this difficult to stay true? What is keeping us from doing what really makes us happy? From loving truly?
So yesterday I was talking to a friend. I stated that I do believe in love at first sight but that I find it so impossible for it to happen to me. He would ask why and honestly I simply don’t know the answer, I just see it that way. Society, broken hearts, lies, life and expectations. You wake up one day, fresh, brand new, and then you start to discover all the limits the world has for you. As W. Young said in The Shack, if we’re going to talk about freedom, lets start from all that that chains us, even genetics. The important thing to learn is how to use all these experiences, heartbreaks, stumbles and even genetics to create a better us. To compromise with ourselves, to stay true no matter what. Instead of running away, keep running towards. Keep acting according to your priorities and you’ll find a stronger you and you’ll never be afraid again.
Crazy love is just crazy. Crazy love, it is blinding. But then again, just like Hendrix said “craziness is like heaven”.
The days that make you feel as if you can actually melt yourself away. The nights waiting for an answer. The careless living, the absolute fear of losing a part of you to someone like this. The kisses surrounded by music. The nights holding hands in the middle of a dark room, staying still, looking at the ceiling. The stomachaches and the heart beats. Learning the figures, the looks, the movements. Thinking and wondering. When you can’t sleep, eat or breathe. Going out, getting drunk, dancing to no music in the middle of a public place. The screaming and arguing. The making love after you wanted to kill each other.The good wishes and prayers.The rides in the car to nowhere. Planning stuff, doing stuff. Believing there’s nothing like this in the world. Falling asleep in the couch, the long night talks, the long day talks. Walking everywhere, doing nothing. The surprises, the bad news, the lies and the truth about those lies. Sleeping in. The heartbreak. The denial.
Wake up one day, you look into the mirror and you find you are actually miserable. The bottle of wine is empty on your night table, a pack of cigarrettes on the floor. The TV is on on “video 1″, the blue screen hurting your swollen eyes. How many days have you been like this? You can’t even recall time. It is 2 pm already, after two days of being so sorry for yourself you finally decide you have to get out of here. You drive for two hours non-stop. You are in the middle of a little town with little shops and nice people. I bet you’re regretting now not listening to every friend or person who told you this was going to end bad. But what would be the point of love, of life, if you keep doing what other people think you should do? You are sure you wouldn’t have done anything different. It’s a perfect misery.
Crazy love comes when you actually become one with someone else, that’s why it is so crazy, handling a whole you and a whole other-self at the same time. And that is why it is so hard to let go. Is like pouring your soul into someone else’s body, it is so fragile. Trying to put it right back where it belongs might end up being a beautiful disaster.
And even though you know it is only right for you to let go and keep going and be happy, there will always be that side of you that will only want to stay crazy.